Who is Captain Walker?

This is no ‘reveal’. I’m going to explain why the screen name ‘Captain Walker’. The ‘avatar’ or screen icon in my profile and comments, gives something away – its a small photo of Mel Gibson from a scene in Mad Max – Beyond Thunderdome.

Well my nickname used to be ‘Mad Max’ back in Uni many years ago. Why? You must wonder. It was recognised and said by one of my esteemed tutors, that I marched to the beat of a different drum (and still do). Others picked up on his comments. At first I was a bit embarrassed but soon I was to learn it was my nature, and I should go with it. I go my own way.

Mel Gibson played the role of Mad Max in Mad Max – Beyond Thunderdome. The scene is set in the aftermath of nuclear war on earth. Law and order had broken down and Bartertown was about the worst place to find yourself, situated near a desert. Well into the film, Max finds himself exiled from Bartertown among some children (some are teenagers), living in and around an oasis. They are the survivors of a plane crash, which was meant to bring them escape from a city that was to be bombed and the nuclear winter that was to follow. Captain Walker was at the helm. Walker apparently took some of the adults surviving the crash with him to find help. He promised to return. Max bears some resemblance to the Captain Walker in their legend.

They take Mad Max to be Captain Walker and in the end of the scene above, one says, “We is ready now..take us home”.

‘Walker’ then has a very hard time explaining to them the reality of their situation. He struggles to cope with their misguided expectations. He cannot deliver that which is based on a distorted myth which became a ‘faith’. At one point in the film he resorts to using force, but that does not bring them to reality.

I feel like ‘Walker’ sometimes. No – I ain’t no hero – and I ain’t here to save any bunch of people. But the feeling that many are living a false existence gets to me. In the film, the children’s Walker – by their expectations – is meant to take them ‘home’. But though Max knows who he is – he is still another identity to the children which he cannot escape – and he as ‘Captain Walker’ is unable to help them in their quest for the promised land.

Possible ‘links’:

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome	Caribbean situation
Nuclear holocaust	Slave trade
Oasis and/or Bartertown	Monkey/Donkey Region
Survivors in the Oasis	Survivors of slave trade
Captain Walker	Me

Well yes surely nobody dong on dee rock looking to me to take dem home. I know dat fuh sure. My ID is not just about events on the Rock. It’s about other areas of work and life – the Rock just happens to be a small part of the whole thing.

Paying to be 'me' – affording our discomforts

It has been rather interesting thinking about this. What is it to be 'me'? How do I pay for that?

What I mean is that each one of us (extrapolating from myself) has a fairly good idea about our likes and dislikes. So we gravitate to certain things, and we avoid certain other things. We like certain things and activities, and we detest other ‘things’ and ‘activities’. The stuff we like to do, we do them quickly, we prioritise so that they are taken care off with greater efficiency. The things we do not like we avoid, and leave to one side as much as possible.

However, the way we make our life’s preferences carry certain costs. Those costs may be tangible in terms of material things e.g. money, or the things money can buy - or intangible in terms of what cannot be quantified e.g. stress, disappointment, loss of opportunity.

For example, someone may dislike intensely the stress of moving home. So, either consciously or unconsciously that dislike is factored into decisions about a new job offer. Because ‘stress’ is the thing to be protected from - the dread of adjusting to a new town, influences decisions - the person might say “Well for £10,000/yr more, it doesn’t make a big difference to me.”

Perhaps a more down-to-earth example is dieting – which is difficult for many. It is easier not to diet. “What’s a few pounds or kilogramme more..you only live once” – some say.

Which of us truly wouldn’t want an extra million (in any of the big 5 currencies)? People in general crave for money – that’s the truth. Few admit it. But strangely there is an amazing contradiction i.e. those who need money the most,  do not work the hardest or the smartest in order to achieve greater financial security.

What, for example, is the cost of disorganisation? Everybody needs to be more organised. Yet we have people who live in utter chaos and mis-prioritisation. They convince themselves that the chaos surrounding them is organised, and they know where everything is. Not true! I’m not talking about the average disorganisation, I’m talking serious disorganisation.

Or take examinations. An important examination (or similar decisive event) is approaching, but the priority becomes larking around with friends.

Which of us have never been in any of those kinds of situations? Few.  So my observation is that many of us make choices and decisions that do not match a hierarchy of priorities in our lives. This costs us in tangible and non-tangible ways – yet we are content to pay. So basically we afford our discomforts!

Confused and primitive to the core.

I was motivated to write this having reflected on my interactions with the human species recently.

They pride themselves as being several notches above other animals. They have built very large and complicated structures. Their intelligence has allowed them the privilege of creating weapons that could destroy the whole planet they live on. They have sent men to the moon and spacecraft to very distant worlds. They control large amounts of energy. They can produce lots of food. They can fight off very serious illnesses.

Yet they are ruled largely by emotions and primitive instincts that lurk deep in the substrata of all that intelligence. Ruled? Sure. When they do something that happens to be in conflict with their intellectual prowess, what do they do? They tend to become emotionally upset. That may or may not show itself. But whichever way, it frequently takes hold of their cognitive processes and steers them in a pathway aimed at defending the ‘integrity’ of the emotional being living deep inside. The endpoint of that is that they then feel justified in their actions both at cognitive and emotional levels.

The cognitive aspect is seen in the processes related to rationalisation. The emotional aspect of justification is observed by a sense of satisfaction – a feel good factor. Therein lies the seeds of what is commonly referred to as evil. The conscious mind can be directed by this unconscious stratum, to rationally seek vengeance in its various forms. The latter provides the emotional justification. But extending that further they can easily arrive at terrorism.

The emotional being gets in the way of progress and can produce chaos:

1. It slows down two way communication pathways destined for the cognitive being.
2. Communicators have to exert greater energy not to upset each other in order to maintain a clear conduit of communication – seen so often in political, legal, crime, and business negotiations.
3. Envy is part of the emotional being. It drives people to madness.
4. Avarice – drives individuals to exploit others.

The cognitive being is capable of great feats of logic and understanding, too many to mention here. If only  this being could be unshackled.

I feel sad for me and this human race. We are so slow and so primitive. So intelligent and so stupid. I feel powerless. I wish I did not feel.

Looking away

Recently I was on the way into a supermarket. Nothing special about that you might think. But as I was about to enter I spotted a former work colleague – one of my own batch of professionals, who I trained with. I hadn’t seen her for about a year.

It was a Sunday – about 14:00. This colleague walked past me, about 5 feet to my right. Her gaze was focussed at some point in the distance. So at first I thought she did not see me. As you normally do – I look in her direction. And all this is happening in microseconds - I’m thinking she will catch some bloke (me) looking her way and look my way, and I’ll say ‘Hi good to see you again’.

But no – she keeps the gaze straight ahead. “Hmmm…” and you might be thinking, “Nothing strange about that. It happens all the time people don’t see each other because they are so busy and wrapped up in their own thoughts.” Well as I’m writing this I’m seeing her passing by in my minds eye. I could replay that video clip a thousand times. And when I do, I see her eyes focussed in the distance and not moving from left to right even in the slightest. Its a look straight ahead.

I have no reliable way of verifying what is in anybody’s consciousness. So I cannot know with absolute certainty what she was looking at and why she did not see me looking straight over to her in passing. But what did that gaze in the distance mean? It clicked – and here it is. I’ve done similar. When I’ve seen some person I do not want to take notice of, I’ve deliberately looked in the distance – just like that. And when did that I would not have been focussing on anything in particular. I’d just look ahead just to avoid eye contact.

So, here was I on the ‘receiving end’ I now think. I could never know what was in the mind of the other, but the closest approximation, is to look at myself first i.e. when I did that sort of thing – and make some kind of extrapolation.

Now some might be thinking that that was the only such incident. No – it wasn’t. The same happened about a year ago. A male professional colleague who knew that I thought he was a plonker passed within 3 feet of me. I always look plonkers in the eye, because I have nothing to fear. So I looked over to him. Guess what. It was that same kind of robotic gaze – at some amazingly interesting ‘non-object’.

What I realised is that when you wilfully avoid the gaze of another person you really do not focus on something of interest. You simply look ahead, like a robot. If you’re truly distracted by something interesting in the distance and miss sight of a familiar face, then your eye movements would not be blank and straight ahead. You’d be looking at the ‘thing’ that has grasped attention but also vary your gaze to surrounding objects. I’ve also checked that I can pick up very easily if someone within a cone of 5 feet from my eyes looks at me.

Well – in the case of the plonker avoiding my gaze, that’s understandable. But when it’s someone who has nothing I know of ‘with me’ – it now puts me to wonder again about human nature.

Identifying with the patzer

The dictionary will tell you that ‘patzer’ means ‘amateur chess player’. However in this piece of reflection, I’ll extend it to mean all idiots and the not so intelligent - outside of the game of chess.

I’ve been observing a phenomenon, where in general, the amateur finds some degree of camaraderie with a group of people. That situation will normally arise where the expert bludgeons the apparent idiot with facts and evidence, to the point where the patzer will need to cower.

What would then happen is that others will ignore the expert and enquire of the patzer if s/he is okay, support her and get her back on her feet. She’ll be treated as a victim, instead of as a felon deserving of punishment.

Why I know about this? I’m used to suffering idiots with their own idiotic logic. It’s simple really. The technique is to use the evidence of what they say to put in opposition two things that cannot co-exist. So you can’t move left and right, forward and backward at the same time – one has to prevail. What would then happen is that the patzer will realise that left nor right are options. Cornered – now waiting to be bludgeoned. Now the patzer sees zugswang in sight, cannot move – a thing cannot be the one and it’s opposite at the same time. That is the simplest form of logic in most situations.

And that is when rescue tends to come. Instead of the crowd descending on the idiot and finishing her off – what to they do? They provide comfort and support. And that is the world I see. But in an futuristic world – my fantasy world - such beings with such logic would be eliminated. I yearn for another time, another space.

The definitive idiot’s guide to causing yourself stress and failure.

Yes after years of careful research into the human condition I've now come up with the 'Definitive Idiot's Guide' to causing yourself stress!

Well, they say every little helps. I've been motivated to write this because I see so many people trying so hard to cause themselves stress, that I decided I needed to provide a practical guide.

The way I see it, if you're gonna do it do it; do it well - and have a reference manual as well.

1. Waste your time. I mean seek out ways to convince yourself that you're working productively - but in reality spread out the work so that it consumes any time available. Don't just confine this to work. Apply it in every aspect of your life.
2. Never plan anything. Just go with the flow. Do it - whatever - any old time. Unleash your creativity on life!
3. Watch loads of TV and listen to the radio all the time.
4. Drink yourself drunk on a Sunday night, so you're properly hung over on a Monday morning.
5. Believe that God or some other mystical being will guide you to the promised land.
6. Reject any helpful suggestion to improve your life or performance. After all everybody is against you.
7. Be stubborn – not just average ‘stubborn’ – I mean reject anything that causes you any discomfort.
8. Hang out with idiots – I mean seek them out and gain support from them.
9. Blame everybody else for your life’s problems:
   1. you’re overweight – it’s your parents’ genes that caused it.
   2. you don’t have enough money – well you don’t spend anything really, and you earn too much money – so ‘what the heck’s the matter with the world?’ you must ask yourself.
10. Forget what happened yesterday or months ago. What do you care? All that matters is tomorrow.

Well it’s a work in progress – and there is no deadline. So this idiot’s guide has to live up to it’s principles. I’ll finish it any old time. How’s that?

Perceptions of perceptions.

Like huh? Well, one can never be 100% sure what others think of you (i.e. me). People basically don’t tell (by words) all of what they think – for umpteen reasons.

So I’ve been asking myself what do others really think of me. I cannot be 100% correct either because I can never truly know what is in the mind of the other. Which then leads to another question, why should it matter what others think of me.

How does one come to know what the other thinks? It’s easy enough if they say something. But because they won’t actually say what’s on their minds I’m left to make inferences based on conduct and non-verbals.

Perhaps I should deal with that question first. I imagine the following reasons are relevant:

1. We live in a very complex social world. It is extremely difficult to swim alone against the ‘tide’. We are by nature animals that live in herds and isolation from the herd means less survival advantage. Isolation can come not simply by physical distance from the herd. Psychological distance matters very much more than physical distance. What others think of you is a marker of psychological proximity or distance.
2. Psychological proximity – how truly close others are to you – provides a sense of readiness to offer support.
3. That readiness of support from others brings a sense of security – largely against all life’s unpredictables and threats.

I’ve avoided reasons that have to do with any form of narcissism; reducing the ‘what others think of me’ to how it might affect ‘me’ in most basic of ways.

Non-verbals

Actions and non-verbals speak louder than words. Really – the research proves it. In fact communication experts have known it for years that 70% or so of meaning is transmitted by non-verbal means (body language) as it is commonly called. As the years roll by experience has thought me that my assessment of non-verbals has grown more accurate. How do I know? I’ve reflected carefully on voice patterns, breathing patterns whilst people speak, eye contact, body movements etc.

I also work amongst people who are aware of non-verbals and who may even try to mask what they ‘give away’ – so in a sense I’ve been ‘trained’ to look under the ‘psychological armour’ of those who have a better chance of concealing their innermost thoughts and feelings.

Knowing

I pay a high degree of attention to detail. My perspective of people in general is that they don’t like paying too much attention to detail. In some circles I hang, people who pay attention to detail are simply labelled as ‘obsessive’ – even though extreme attention to detail is required! In that attention to detail, inconsistencies between what is said, how it is said, and other corroborative details, often leads to a picture that I’m not getting the full picture – or the truth. In one other circle of work my skill in detecting those inconsistencies are used to full potential and I am valued.

Disrobed

Ever had a dream that you went to work naked? It is a very common dream. For those who have had such a dream, recall how awkward it felt. Conversing with me is like being naked psychologically. I will pick up more than you care to allow others to see – and the worse part is that I won’t let on that I’ve seen something of you that you cared to conceal.

For those who do not know of my professional status, they are happily ignorant. It’s like standing next to a guy and you didn’t actually know he had on ‘X-ray specs’ and was actually seeing under your clothes. But what when you discover that he does have on X-ray specs? Ooooh..that’s uncomfortable. And interestingly people in general believe that their minds cannot be read. Well that’s true in the literal sense of those words, however, peoples values, motives, perceptions, honesty/dishonesty, economy with the truth etc can be read. It happens every day – read what’s in the political news some time.

Summary

So in essence to be near to someone who has on X-ray specs 24/7 is not easy. Everyday life from my perception depends heavily (too) on people not being as honest as they make out.

We don’t expect others to ask questions about each inconsistency or flaw in the logical sequence of our thoughts. But to be next to someone who might spot such flaws is to be ‘naked’ – even if they say nothing of the ‘nakedness’ they see.

But I’m sure my perception of inconsistency and lack of logical sequence is communicated to the other by non-verbal means, that I may not be aware of. The other will not relish that. Trust me, few like or can endure staying for prolonged periods under and X-ray machine or a microscope. 

The price of proximity to reality is probably isolation. However, I have no regrets. I value the former far more, than the camaraderie that comes from association with fools.

Still bewildered

I recently wrote about Disrespect for my Right to Privacy. So a couple days ago I received yet another email. But this one did not disrespect my privacy. Instead it contained the emails of 122 other individuals.

[I deviate to explain to the technologically challenged that I did not count each email address. I simply cut and pasted into Word processor, and did a CTRL + H, then did a ‘Replace’ on each @ symbol, after which a count comes up. Then I subtracted 2 from the count].

So I could not help but think, “Well, if each of those email addresses were the telephone numbers of those individuals what would I think?” Well I would think it is quite a despicable thing to do. I live on another planet where people in general don’t like their phone numbers being distributed to others en masse.

Like I’m in a perpetual state of shock why it seems ‘ok’ for others to distribute email addresses around, like it is nobody’s business. I mean how would you feel if you (person A) knew that in calling me on the phone, I was likely to take your phone number and whimsically, in another conversation with some other person (person B), take your phone number distribute it and our recorded telephone conversation to B and 121 other people? I don’t think that would go down well.

As I tell all who are close to me ‘Do not distribute my email address without my consent’, I think it is reasonable to request that they do not send me emails with loads of other people’s email addresses. It is the principle of the matter that is important. The principle is privacy. If I accept emails with loads of breaches (or what appears to be breaches) of privacy then I defeat my upholding the same principle.

It would seem ridiculous to say, “Okay, don’t do it to me but you can do it to others and I’ll say nothing.” The principle had no sense of direction – it simply applies.

A slice of heaven

Kurumba pavillion

Disregard of my right to privacy…and my time...by my so-called friends

I’ve been fighting a battle with people I know, some who would feel slighted if I did not consider them friends – for the past 7 years.

This is what it is about:

1. I inform all who know me not to send my email (or other contact details) out to ‘third parties’ without my express consent.
2. Invariably they respond something like, “Goes without saying, I would never do a thing like that!" - in a tone of disapproval at my apparent lack of trust in them.
3. Then invariably they do send out my contact details – especially my email address – to third parties without my consent. They do this by idiotically:
   1. lumping my email address with several others in the ‘To’ or ‘CC’ fields of emails – a sure way to distribute my email address to umpteen people who do not know me.
   2. Clicking the FWD (forward) button on emails forwarded to others, and leaving my email address exposed, like it's everybody's business (and it ain't)!
      
   3. submitting my email address to websites to send me links or messages – like how much intelligence does it take to realise that that is in fact giving my email address to a ‘third party’ without my consent.
4. And then they go something like, "Sorry, I eh very good with IT and computers." - as if to say that is a great explanation

But is this phenomenon about a lack of intelligence or is it more about a lack of memory or consideration for me? I have to wonder. No – many of them put it down to, “I thought it was okay….” or “Sorry I made a mistake.” – as if to say all human mistakes are excusable.

The following conversation occurred recently between me and another – small print is commentary or my thoughts at the time.

Me: Please do not submit my email address to any websites as it appeared with that [named] website. [This had happened and I happened to be in ‘chat’ with the person. I’m being very clear in what I’m saying.] Other: ok, why not? [Bloody hell, do I really have to spend time explaining that I have right to privacy and confidentiality of my contact details and I expect my ‘friends’ to honour all that? Like – no! I don’t have the time. My bloody time in concentrated and I decide how I want to spend it, like now. And the reason I’m writing all this is because I’m fascinated by the stupidity of the most ‘civilised’ species on earth – or so they like to think of themselves. So I give the short answer below.] Me: No questions....just don't Other: what? So how else can I send articles? [Oh golly gee! I’m supposed to explain it. Like I don’t want frigging articles from anywhere where my email address has to be submitted – and oh, you’re meant to send copy and paste and send it in an email to me. Bollocks.] Me: How'd you like if I send your private telephone numbers to some website...it's the same thing. Look, I don't like my contact email going to other sites and that's that. [Like do I have time in a chatroom to go into this? No. Just do as I say, for God’s sakes] Other: ok, well as you wish. But you should keep several e-mail accounts then if you're worried about privacy. [Oh right – so I’m supposed to do as you say in order to receive crap and waste my time. No – ‘why don’t you spend your time respecting my privacy’ – I’m thinking. Sorry, I don’t see why I should spend my time checking email addresses for junk. Respect for my privacy is my so-called friends business too. Why should I compensate for such a lack of consideration? I shouldn’t.] Other: Oh well, I think I'm gonna take in the news. There is a live feed of the summit on. [Well, if I sense some displeasure there then I’m paranoid. Eh?] Me: No. I decide how many email accounts I want to check. I have a right to privacy. [In other words I shall not be compensating for your lack of attention and respect for my privacy] Okay – so you might be thinking that I’m going on too much about this. Read on, then.

I go back to 02:35AM 17th August 2008.

I heard my cell phone ringing. I struggled to answer it. It is dark. I'd been jolted out of my deep slumber. I was clueless at the time to what time it was. I answered the phone: Other: "Aye, how yuh going". Me: "Ah sleepin” Other: "Oh gord...ah sorry.. ah only see yuh online so ah press dee button....ah eh watch dee time...sorry ah gorn". [I've got Skype and it's on my cellphone - so I appear online all the time. It doesn't do the auto 'away' feature like in the usual PC version.] Me: "Alright”

I get back to sleep in a few minutes, luckily. But in those few minutes - I'm thinking "Yet another blasted Trinidadian...demonstrating the same mindlessness typical of its people". No I wasn’t particularly angry whilst thinking that - more in a state of...well it's a difficult one to find words for...I guess a mixture of expectation, confusion, disappointment, puzzlement, disgust for the human condition.

Actually the caller was the same person in the conversation at the start of this blog, and the person is used to changes of time zones and international travel. So one could expect that if making a call to anyone in another country that the time zone is checked. The time zone is actually displayed after my screenname on Skype.