What's with the banner

The banner picture is of one of my favourite places. It was a peaceful time when I was on vacation  in 2005, at an exotic location. I could sit back and look up at the heavens and think about nothing.

Yeah nothing. It's great to think about nothing. I was on a small atoll in the South Indian Ocean. There was such serenity. And after thinking about 'nothing' for quite some time, I began to think about something. I was lying on a beach on another atoll, looking up at the blue sky. Around me was a pale green clear water gently washing up to my ears. What came to me? The thought: "What is it about?" Yup. Just like that. You know like 'What is all this about?'. My existence? My existence in relation to the world.

In a few days I would return to my usual world - a maddening pace, surrounded by technology and smiley people trying to be helpful or unhelpful, all eking out an existence, doing somebody else's job to gain enough money to maintain ownership of their possessions. I'd join them in the monumental rat race created by my political masters. So, no I'm not free.

Oh well. It's good to be let out of the cage for a few moments. One day...one day ..I'll find freedom. Real freedom. 

Oh well

Life rolls on. I write a great deal everywhere else but here. I'm not entirely sure why. So I'm trying to change that. I'm thinking perhaps that no one really looks on here. But in reality that should not matter, because it's not meant to be show. It's supposed to be my record of my thoughts, and feelings I imagine.

I remain displeased with the world. The more I go on the more I see 'games' of all kinds around me. I'm thinking why on earth does life have to be so complicated. Whatever happened to raw honesty and consideration for the betterment of others. It has become such a selfish world. Well having said that I kinda have to think and qualify my statements because somebody might think 'Huh..you've got a strange world-view'. You know, people always have to find the exception to any statement. That's partly what I mean by complicated. Can anyone these days give the general perspective on life without worrying about what someone else will think about minor exceptions. Okay, right - its a selfish world the way I see it.

Much of the time I'm at work it all seems to be an act. It's like we interact, we smile, we laugh but it's not real. I mean I come home and think to myself, "Was that joke by so and so really that funny?" Not really..but we had to laugh to keep up appearances. Do I really want to compliment so and so. No not really but good management practice is that you compliment people around you for their efforts.

So I'm thinking, when Bloggs complimented me did s/he really mean that? Or could it be that s/he was playing the same game. I guess I'll never really know. English society is strange and you always have to be thinking "What's below the surface?". Really. Sometimes when you're saying something you see people nodding their heads. So you  might think "Right..They agree with what I'm saying". Big mistake. People nod because they understand what you're saying -not that they agree with you. So now I have to interpret what nods mean. Krieky! You see what I mean about complicated.