A reflective time… tiny chemicals

I’ve been quite busy since September 2009, with new work and new experiences. There have been so many experiences to blog about but not in this space. I therefore spent much more time blogging at Jumbie’s Watch, My proper English on this blog has me rather restrained, which is no bad thing. At Jumbie I tend to free my thoughts in a different way. This blog is therefore more reflective, more measured – in a strange sort of way.

I’ve recently been looking back at 2009 and looking forward into 2010. My mind is flooded. So much has happened and the future brings so much to me. I wish I could conquer the need for sleep. It has been a very challenging year – two ‘assignments’ took me a lot away from home. Nov 2008 – early April 2009, I was travelling up and down the country with work. I discovered Cornwall and the Cornish way of life. It’s a beautiful part of the world. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

In December 2008 some idiot crashed into the side of my car. That led to headaches that went on into the first part of 2009, and it was only resolved about a month ago. The crash brought me closer to valuing life. It happened so fast. Luckily I was not injured physically; just shaken a bit psychologically.

I was delighted to be back at home in April 2009. [I’m afraid to use the word ‘home’ lest some idiots assume that I mean some godforsaken Rock in the sun.] Time to think, write, do other kinds of work. Time.. time.. an amazing thing.. how it flows. How I flow through time. And I’ve been thinking about when I cease to flow in time. As one gets older these kinds of thoughts come to mind. It’s difficult to avoid when you see more and more people around you who you knew suffering illnesses or dying. You are confronted by the mortality that limits your own existence. It presses upon the mind to achieve and to be free!

Then from Sept to Nov 2009 I was also also into a 9 to 5 situation again – among workers – nation-builders; whatever you call um. It’s a sad situation generally ‘at work’. People there do what they do. They somehow or the other became caught on a treadmill, acquired possessions and status and then fight hard to remain on the treadmill. Their collective reality is that they’d be much more contented doing what they want to do – but they never admit it openly, or they hypnotise themselves into believing that they ‘lurve the job’. Many of them don’t think they’re sad – but I know they are.

And I look out at the world. I discover the complexity of the ‘worlds’ we create. I like studying law for example, but there is a time when its complexity becomes painful. Painful as I read past a few words separated by commas, then a few more words, then more commas. Then new paragraphs and sub-paragraphs leading me down into a tangle of Boolean operators – all this designed to limit something in certain circumstances. And I wonder what are all these limits? Why must they exist? And the answer is pretty simple: limited resources endangered by human greed, selfishness and solipsistic attitudes.

Yet among English politicians we saw greed and human callousness protected by a system of rules that allowed MPs to claim from sexy DVDs to moat cleaning.

The wars in Afghanistan continued. More crap came out about atrocities committed in the wars by British and American forces.

Diego Garcia remained off the radar, while Guantanamo Bay took the spotlight. Can you hear a silent scream?

I spent most of my time in the last 6 months, thinking about a land where I grew up for the first 30 years. Well ‘grew up’ physically, I mean. The reality is that I grew mentally twice what I did in 20 years of life in England, compared to the 30 in that place. Yeah.. ‘that place’. That’s a place I am deeply ashamed to be associated with. Why? Because I think if people know I’m from ‘there’ they would secretly be thinking “..he must be like them.. but he’s putting on a good act.” Well the reality is that people are like that.. I am like that. When I meet somebody from ‘that place’, I naturally have a presumption that their attitudes and thinking processes are likely to be ‘like them’. Come on – let’s not kid around.. people to get judged by their ‘cultures’. So when I meet people from ‘there’ I’m naturally sensitised to thought patterns, values and quirks that are part of that culture.

The other night (27/12/2009) we had some ‘visitors’ over for dinner. An interesting discussion happened. I became quite animated. They were shocked by my hopelessness for a people that live in the Nation of Trinidad & Tobago (i.e. that place).  At Jumbie’s Watch I frequently refer to ‘that place’ as Donkey Rock. The visitors some of Trinidadian origins - lived in some degree of hope for that Nation. I held much less hope. They hooked into how much I read the online newspapers about that place – and suggested that I do that because I have a slight hope that things there will become better. Well slight, like very slight, and approaching zero rapidly – I would admit to. But that is not the reason I read those newspapers. I said so – that my reading those newspapers were simply and truly about my fascination with the human capacity for stupidity. The reality is that I am not at all interested in returning to that Nation. I think that people who are separated from their homelands - especially where life in those homelands has deteriorated seriously - often long for the opportunity to return. In opposition to such longing is the reality of what life might be like in those homelands at the present time. In the case of Trinidad and Tobago, the extreme rise in violent crime presents a serious and difficult to ignore risk. The trajectory of the rise of those risks, over the last 10 years - with little indication that law enforcement agencies have been effective - suggests that there is unlikely to be rapid change in the trajectory in the foreseeable future. It is therefore baseless wishful thinking to say that there is hope of improvement. But life is a strange game – if you make your case to powerfully you risk being marginalised, labelled, seen as different.. not one of the herd.

So always there are these games I have to play – for example: I ought to say that there is very slight hope, when in reality I truly believe there is no hope. That is only to appear not ‘absolutist’. Funny thing though, few people hold any absolutist views about the chances of recovery from end stage dementia or any other terminal illness. But hey – when in comes to a country – a Nation – you can’t appear to be devoid of hope for recovery. Why? Because  we all ought to be all soooh patriotic to our respective Nations. And to say that you have lost hope in your Nation, means you’re and ungrateful unpatriotic bastard, or somik. No one really cares to say that a Nation is convulsing to death.. and there’s nothing you can do to save it. So – many times I hear people re-affirming their faith in an ability in human beings to change. Like oh puhleese – don’t I know that they can change? But I’m not talking about small groups of people. I’m talking very large groups. Well ‘that nation’ had 50 years to change and mature.. and what do we see today? Gross immaturity and myopia – and it’s getting worsening.

2010 brings more of the same. The number of the year changes – obviously – but people in their numbers hardly ever change. And if they do change it is because they have been subject to some extreme force that causes major discomfort or major emotional enlightenment.

Some may think that I’m unhappy from reading the above snapshot. I was never one for happiness OR  unhappiness. My modus operandi does not depend on happiness OR unhappiness – I’ll do what I do regardless. My adopted philosophy is built on eudaimonia – difficult for most people to grasp – simply because most people are driven by states of pleasure or pain attached to states of happiness or unhappiness. In contrast I’ll take the seemingly difficult and tough road if it brings me contentment and greater benefits for others.

I harden my outlook on the future of that Nation. I also harden my perceptions of human nature. I feel we are a dying species and we’re bent on self-destruction. Have a Prozac or two, or more – I face reality cold as it is. Those who cannot face reality – well, they can play with their happiness chemicals whilst the universe and its forces continue to orchestrate their mere purpose; to increase entropy. The universe is happy..and they are happy on their tiny chemicals.

Who is Captain Walker?

This is no ‘reveal’. I’m going to explain why the screen name ‘Captain Walker’. The ‘avatar’ or screen icon in my profile and comments, gives something away – its a small photo of Mel Gibson from a scene in Mad Max – Beyond Thunderdome.

Well my nickname used to be ‘Mad Max’ back in Uni many years ago. Why? You must wonder. It was recognised and said by one of my esteemed tutors, that I marched to the beat of a different drum (and still do). Others picked up on his comments. At first I was a bit embarrassed but soon I was to learn it was my nature, and I should go with it. I go my own way.

Mel Gibson played the role of Mad Max in Mad Max – Beyond Thunderdome. The scene is set in the aftermath of nuclear war on earth. Law and order had broken down and Bartertown was about the worst place to find yourself, situated near a desert. Well into the film, Max finds himself exiled from Bartertown among some children (some are teenagers), living in and around an oasis. They are the survivors of a plane crash, which was meant to bring them escape from a city that was to be bombed and the nuclear winter that was to follow. Captain Walker was at the helm. Walker apparently took some of the adults surviving the crash with him to find help. He promised to return. Max bears some resemblance to the Captain Walker in their legend.

They take Mad Max to be Captain Walker and in the end of the scene above, one says, “We is ready now..take us home”.

‘Walker’ then has a very hard time explaining to them the reality of their situation. He struggles to cope with their misguided expectations. He cannot deliver that which is based on a distorted myth which became a ‘faith’. At one point in the film he resorts to using force, but that does not bring them to reality.

I feel like ‘Walker’ sometimes. No – I ain’t no hero – and I ain’t here to save any bunch of people. But the feeling that many are living a false existence gets to me. In the film, the children’s Walker – by their expectations – is meant to take them ‘home’. But though Max knows who he is – he is still another identity to the children which he cannot escape – and he as ‘Captain Walker’ is unable to help them in their quest for the promised land.

Possible ‘links’:

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome	Caribbean situation
Nuclear holocaust	Slave trade
Oasis and/or Bartertown	Monkey/Donkey Region
Survivors in the Oasis	Survivors of slave trade
Captain Walker	Me

Well yes surely nobody dong on dee rock looking to me to take dem home. I know dat fuh sure. My ID is not just about events on the Rock. It’s about other areas of work and life – the Rock just happens to be a small part of the whole thing.

Paying to be 'me' – affording our discomforts

It has been rather interesting thinking about this. What is it to be 'me'? How do I pay for that?

What I mean is that each one of us (extrapolating from myself) has a fairly good idea about our likes and dislikes. So we gravitate to certain things, and we avoid certain other things. We like certain things and activities, and we detest other ‘things’ and ‘activities’. The stuff we like to do, we do them quickly, we prioritise so that they are taken care off with greater efficiency. The things we do not like we avoid, and leave to one side as much as possible.

However, the way we make our life’s preferences carry certain costs. Those costs may be tangible in terms of material things e.g. money, or the things money can buy - or intangible in terms of what cannot be quantified e.g. stress, disappointment, loss of opportunity.

For example, someone may dislike intensely the stress of moving home. So, either consciously or unconsciously that dislike is factored into decisions about a new job offer. Because ‘stress’ is the thing to be protected from - the dread of adjusting to a new town, influences decisions - the person might say “Well for £10,000/yr more, it doesn’t make a big difference to me.”

Perhaps a more down-to-earth example is dieting – which is difficult for many. It is easier not to diet. “What’s a few pounds or kilogramme more..you only live once” – some say.

Which of us truly wouldn’t want an extra million (in any of the big 5 currencies)? People in general crave for money – that’s the truth. Few admit it. But strangely there is an amazing contradiction i.e. those who need money the most,  do not work the hardest or the smartest in order to achieve greater financial security.

What, for example, is the cost of disorganisation? Everybody needs to be more organised. Yet we have people who live in utter chaos and mis-prioritisation. They convince themselves that the chaos surrounding them is organised, and they know where everything is. Not true! I’m not talking about the average disorganisation, I’m talking serious disorganisation.

Or take examinations. An important examination (or similar decisive event) is approaching, but the priority becomes larking around with friends.

Which of us have never been in any of those kinds of situations? Few.  So my observation is that many of us make choices and decisions that do not match a hierarchy of priorities in our lives. This costs us in tangible and non-tangible ways – yet we are content to pay. So basically we afford our discomforts!

Confused and primitive to the core.

I was motivated to write this having reflected on my interactions with the human species recently.

They pride themselves as being several notches above other animals. They have built very large and complicated structures. Their intelligence has allowed them the privilege of creating weapons that could destroy the whole planet they live on. They have sent men to the moon and spacecraft to very distant worlds. They control large amounts of energy. They can produce lots of food. They can fight off very serious illnesses.

Yet they are ruled largely by emotions and primitive instincts that lurk deep in the substrata of all that intelligence. Ruled? Sure. When they do something that happens to be in conflict with their intellectual prowess, what do they do? They tend to become emotionally upset. That may or may not show itself. But whichever way, it frequently takes hold of their cognitive processes and steers them in a pathway aimed at defending the ‘integrity’ of the emotional being living deep inside. The endpoint of that is that they then feel justified in their actions both at cognitive and emotional levels.

The cognitive aspect is seen in the processes related to rationalisation. The emotional aspect of justification is observed by a sense of satisfaction – a feel good factor. Therein lies the seeds of what is commonly referred to as evil. The conscious mind can be directed by this unconscious stratum, to rationally seek vengeance in its various forms. The latter provides the emotional justification. But extending that further they can easily arrive at terrorism.

The emotional being gets in the way of progress and can produce chaos:

1. It slows down two way communication pathways destined for the cognitive being.
2. Communicators have to exert greater energy not to upset each other in order to maintain a clear conduit of communication – seen so often in political, legal, crime, and business negotiations.
3. Envy is part of the emotional being. It drives people to madness.
4. Avarice – drives individuals to exploit others.

The cognitive being is capable of great feats of logic and understanding, too many to mention here. If only  this being could be unshackled.

I feel sad for me and this human race. We are so slow and so primitive. So intelligent and so stupid. I feel powerless. I wish I did not feel.

Looking away

Recently I was on the way into a supermarket. Nothing special about that you might think. But as I was about to enter I spotted a former work colleague – one of my own batch of professionals, who I trained with. I hadn’t seen her for about a year.

It was a Sunday – about 14:00. This colleague walked past me, about 5 feet to my right. Her gaze was focussed at some point in the distance. So at first I thought she did not see me. As you normally do – I look in her direction. And all this is happening in microseconds - I’m thinking she will catch some bloke (me) looking her way and look my way, and I’ll say ‘Hi good to see you again’.

But no – she keeps the gaze straight ahead. “Hmmm…” and you might be thinking, “Nothing strange about that. It happens all the time people don’t see each other because they are so busy and wrapped up in their own thoughts.” Well as I’m writing this I’m seeing her passing by in my minds eye. I could replay that video clip a thousand times. And when I do, I see her eyes focussed in the distance and not moving from left to right even in the slightest. Its a look straight ahead.

I have no reliable way of verifying what is in anybody’s consciousness. So I cannot know with absolute certainty what she was looking at and why she did not see me looking straight over to her in passing. But what did that gaze in the distance mean? It clicked – and here it is. I’ve done similar. When I’ve seen some person I do not want to take notice of, I’ve deliberately looked in the distance – just like that. And when did that I would not have been focussing on anything in particular. I’d just look ahead just to avoid eye contact.

So, here was I on the ‘receiving end’ I now think. I could never know what was in the mind of the other, but the closest approximation, is to look at myself first i.e. when I did that sort of thing – and make some kind of extrapolation.

Now some might be thinking that that was the only such incident. No – it wasn’t. The same happened about a year ago. A male professional colleague who knew that I thought he was a plonker passed within 3 feet of me. I always look plonkers in the eye, because I have nothing to fear. So I looked over to him. Guess what. It was that same kind of robotic gaze – at some amazingly interesting ‘non-object’.

What I realised is that when you wilfully avoid the gaze of another person you really do not focus on something of interest. You simply look ahead, like a robot. If you’re truly distracted by something interesting in the distance and miss sight of a familiar face, then your eye movements would not be blank and straight ahead. You’d be looking at the ‘thing’ that has grasped attention but also vary your gaze to surrounding objects. I’ve also checked that I can pick up very easily if someone within a cone of 5 feet from my eyes looks at me.

Well – in the case of the plonker avoiding my gaze, that’s understandable. But when it’s someone who has nothing I know of ‘with me’ – it now puts me to wonder again about human nature.

Identifying with the patzer

The dictionary will tell you that ‘patzer’ means ‘amateur chess player’. However in this piece of reflection, I’ll extend it to mean all idiots and the not so intelligent - outside of the game of chess.

I’ve been observing a phenomenon, where in general, the amateur finds some degree of camaraderie with a group of people. That situation will normally arise where the expert bludgeons the apparent idiot with facts and evidence, to the point where the patzer will need to cower.

What would then happen is that others will ignore the expert and enquire of the patzer if s/he is okay, support her and get her back on her feet. She’ll be treated as a victim, instead of as a felon deserving of punishment.

Why I know about this? I’m used to suffering idiots with their own idiotic logic. It’s simple really. The technique is to use the evidence of what they say to put in opposition two things that cannot co-exist. So you can’t move left and right, forward and backward at the same time – one has to prevail. What would then happen is that the patzer will realise that left nor right are options. Cornered – now waiting to be bludgeoned. Now the patzer sees zugswang in sight, cannot move – a thing cannot be the one and it’s opposite at the same time. That is the simplest form of logic in most situations.

And that is when rescue tends to come. Instead of the crowd descending on the idiot and finishing her off – what to they do? They provide comfort and support. And that is the world I see. But in an futuristic world – my fantasy world - such beings with such logic would be eliminated. I yearn for another time, another space.

The definitive idiot’s guide to causing yourself stress and failure.

Yes after years of careful research into the human condition I've now come up with the 'Definitive Idiot's Guide' to causing yourself stress!

Well, they say every little helps. I've been motivated to write this because I see so many people trying so hard to cause themselves stress, that I decided I needed to provide a practical guide.

The way I see it, if you're gonna do it do it; do it well - and have a reference manual as well.

1. Waste your time. I mean seek out ways to convince yourself that you're working productively - but in reality spread out the work so that it consumes any time available. Don't just confine this to work. Apply it in every aspect of your life.
2. Never plan anything. Just go with the flow. Do it - whatever - any old time. Unleash your creativity on life!
3. Watch loads of TV and listen to the radio all the time.
4. Drink yourself drunk on a Sunday night, so you're properly hung over on a Monday morning.
5. Believe that God or some other mystical being will guide you to the promised land.
6. Reject any helpful suggestion to improve your life or performance. After all everybody is against you.
7. Be stubborn – not just average ‘stubborn’ – I mean reject anything that causes you any discomfort.
8. Hang out with idiots – I mean seek them out and gain support from them.
9. Blame everybody else for your life’s problems:
   1. you’re overweight – it’s your parents’ genes that caused it.
   2. you don’t have enough money – well you don’t spend anything really, and you earn too much money – so ‘what the heck’s the matter with the world?’ you must ask yourself.
10. Forget what happened yesterday or months ago. What do you care? All that matters is tomorrow.

Well it’s a work in progress – and there is no deadline. So this idiot’s guide has to live up to it’s principles. I’ll finish it any old time. How’s that?

Perceptions of perceptions.

Like huh? Well, one can never be 100% sure what others think of you (i.e. me). People basically don’t tell (by words) all of what they think – for umpteen reasons.

So I’ve been asking myself what do others really think of me. I cannot be 100% correct either because I can never truly know what is in the mind of the other. Which then leads to another question, why should it matter what others think of me.

How does one come to know what the other thinks? It’s easy enough if they say something. But because they won’t actually say what’s on their minds I’m left to make inferences based on conduct and non-verbals.

Perhaps I should deal with that question first. I imagine the following reasons are relevant:

1. We live in a very complex social world. It is extremely difficult to swim alone against the ‘tide’. We are by nature animals that live in herds and isolation from the herd means less survival advantage. Isolation can come not simply by physical distance from the herd. Psychological distance matters very much more than physical distance. What others think of you is a marker of psychological proximity or distance.
2. Psychological proximity – how truly close others are to you – provides a sense of readiness to offer support.
3. That readiness of support from others brings a sense of security – largely against all life’s unpredictables and threats.

I’ve avoided reasons that have to do with any form of narcissism; reducing the ‘what others think of me’ to how it might affect ‘me’ in most basic of ways.

Non-verbals

Actions and non-verbals speak louder than words. Really – the research proves it. In fact communication experts have known it for years that 70% or so of meaning is transmitted by non-verbal means (body language) as it is commonly called. As the years roll by experience has thought me that my assessment of non-verbals has grown more accurate. How do I know? I’ve reflected carefully on voice patterns, breathing patterns whilst people speak, eye contact, body movements etc.

I also work amongst people who are aware of non-verbals and who may even try to mask what they ‘give away’ – so in a sense I’ve been ‘trained’ to look under the ‘psychological armour’ of those who have a better chance of concealing their innermost thoughts and feelings.

Knowing

I pay a high degree of attention to detail. My perspective of people in general is that they don’t like paying too much attention to detail. In some circles I hang, people who pay attention to detail are simply labelled as ‘obsessive’ – even though extreme attention to detail is required! In that attention to detail, inconsistencies between what is said, how it is said, and other corroborative details, often leads to a picture that I’m not getting the full picture – or the truth. In one other circle of work my skill in detecting those inconsistencies are used to full potential and I am valued.

Disrobed

Ever had a dream that you went to work naked? It is a very common dream. For those who have had such a dream, recall how awkward it felt. Conversing with me is like being naked psychologically. I will pick up more than you care to allow others to see – and the worse part is that I won’t let on that I’ve seen something of you that you cared to conceal.

For those who do not know of my professional status, they are happily ignorant. It’s like standing next to a guy and you didn’t actually know he had on ‘X-ray specs’ and was actually seeing under your clothes. But what when you discover that he does have on X-ray specs? Ooooh..that’s uncomfortable. And interestingly people in general believe that their minds cannot be read. Well that’s true in the literal sense of those words, however, peoples values, motives, perceptions, honesty/dishonesty, economy with the truth etc can be read. It happens every day – read what’s in the political news some time. Well - I'm cool with close 'others' knowing that I'm delusional and that I have no special powers to see 'under their clothes' - the better the 'view' for me!

Summary

So in essence to be near to someone who has on X-ray specs 24/7 is not easy. Everyday life from my perception depends heavily (too) on people not being as honest as they make out.

We don’t expect others to ask questions about each inconsistency or flaw in the logical sequence of our thoughts. But to be next to someone who might spot such flaws is to be ‘naked’ – even if they say nothing of the ‘nakedness’ they see.

But I’m sure my perception of inconsistency and lack of logical sequence is communicated to the other by non-verbal means, that I may not be aware of. The other will not relish that. Trust me, few like or can endure staying for prolonged periods under and X-ray machine or a microscope. 

The price of proximity to reality is probably isolation. However, I have no regrets. I value the former far more, than the camaraderie that comes from association with fools.

Still bewildered

I recently wrote about Disrespect for my Right to Privacy. So a couple days ago I received yet another email. But this one did not disrespect my privacy. Instead it contained the emails of 122 other individuals.

[I deviate to explain to the technologically challenged that I did not count each email address. I simply cut and pasted into Word processor, and did a CTRL + H, then did a ‘Replace’ on each @ symbol, after which a count comes up. Then I subtracted 2 from the count].

So I could not help but think, “Well, if each of those email addresses were the telephone numbers of those individuals what would I think?” Well I would think it is quite a despicable thing to do. I live on another planet where people in general don’t like their phone numbers being distributed to others en masse.

Like I’m in a perpetual state of shock why it seems ‘ok’ for others to distribute email addresses around, like it is nobody’s business. I mean how would you feel if you (person A) knew that in calling me on the phone, I was likely to take your phone number and whimsically, in another conversation with some other person (person B), take your phone number distribute it and our recorded telephone conversation to B and 121 other people? I don’t think that would go down well.

As I tell all who are close to me ‘Do not distribute my email address without my consent’, I think it is reasonable to request that they do not send me emails with loads of other people’s email addresses. It is the principle of the matter that is important. The principle is privacy. If I accept emails with loads of breaches (or what appears to be breaches) of privacy then I defeat my upholding the same principle.

It would seem ridiculous to say, “Okay, don’t do it to me but you can do it to others and I’ll say nothing.” The principle had no sense of direction – it simply applies.

A slice of heaven

Kurumba pavillion

Disregard of my right to privacy…and my time...by my so-called friends

I’ve been fighting a battle with people I know, some who would feel slighted if I did not consider them friends – for the past 7 years.

This is what it is about:

1. I inform all who know me not to send my email (or other contact details) out to ‘third parties’ without my express consent.
2. Invariably they respond something like, “Goes without saying, I would never do a thing like that!" - in a tone of disapproval at my apparent lack of trust in them.
3. Then invariably they do send out my contact details – especially my email address – to third parties without my consent. They do this by idiotically:
   1. lumping my email address with several others in the ‘To’ or ‘CC’ fields of emails – a sure way to distribute my email address to umpteen people who do not know me.
   2. Clicking the FWD (forward) button on emails forwarded to others, and leaving my email address exposed, like it's everybody's business (and it ain't)!
      
   3. submitting my email address to websites to send me links or messages – like how much intelligence does it take to realise that that is in fact giving my email address to a ‘third party’ without my consent.
4. And then they go something like, "Sorry, I eh very good with IT and computers." - as if to say that is a great explanation

But is this phenomenon about a lack of intelligence or is it more about a lack of memory or consideration for me? I have to wonder. No – many of them put it down to, “I thought it was okay….” or “Sorry I made a mistake.” – as if to say all human mistakes are excusable.

The following conversation occurred recently between me and another – small print is commentary or my thoughts at the time.

Me: Please do not submit my email address to any websites as it appeared with that [named] website. [This had happened and I happened to be in ‘chat’ with the person. I’m being very clear in what I’m saying.] Other: ok, why not? [Bloody hell, do I really have to spend time explaining that I have right to privacy and confidentiality of my contact details and I expect my ‘friends’ to honour all that? Like – no! I don’t have the time. My bloody time in concentrated and I decide how I want to spend it, like now. And the reason I’m writing all this is because I’m fascinated by the stupidity of the most ‘civilised’ species on earth – or so they like to think of themselves. So I give the short answer below.] Me: No questions....just don't Other: what? So how else can I send articles? [Oh golly gee! I’m supposed to explain it. Like I don’t want frigging articles from anywhere where my email address has to be submitted – and oh, you’re meant to send copy and paste and send it in an email to me. Bollocks.] Me: How'd you like if I send your private telephone numbers to some website...it's the same thing. Look, I don't like my contact email going to other sites and that's that. [Like do I have time in a chatroom to go into this? No. Just do as I say, for God’s sakes] Other: ok, well as you wish. But you should keep several e-mail accounts then if you're worried about privacy. [Oh right – so I’m supposed to do as you say in order to receive crap and waste my time. No – ‘why don’t you spend your time respecting my privacy’ – I’m thinking. Sorry, I don’t see why I should spend my time checking email addresses for junk. Respect for my privacy is my so-called friends business too. Why should I compensate for such a lack of consideration? I shouldn’t.] Other: Oh well, I think I'm gonna take in the news. There is a live feed of the summit on. [Well, if I sense some displeasure there then I’m paranoid. Eh?] Me: No. I decide how many email accounts I want to check. I have a right to privacy. [In other words I shall not be compensating for your lack of attention and respect for my privacy] Okay – so you might be thinking that I’m going on too much about this. Read on, then.

I go back to 02:35AM 17th August 2008.

I heard my cell phone ringing. I struggled to answer it. It is dark. I'd been jolted out of my deep slumber. I was clueless at the time to what time it was. I answered the phone: Other: "Aye, how yuh going". Me: "Ah sleepin” Other: "Oh gord...ah sorry.. ah only see yuh online so ah press dee button....ah eh watch dee time...sorry ah gorn". [I've got Skype and it's on my cellphone - so I appear online all the time. It doesn't do the auto 'away' feature like in the usual PC version.] Me: "Alright”

I get back to sleep in a few minutes, luckily. But in those few minutes - I'm thinking "Yet another blasted Trinidadian...demonstrating the same mindlessness typical of its people". No I wasn’t particularly angry whilst thinking that - more in a state of...well it's a difficult one to find words for...I guess a mixture of expectation, confusion, disappointment, puzzlement, disgust for the human condition.

Actually the caller was the same person in the conversation at the start of this blog, and the person is used to changes of time zones and international travel. So one could expect that if making a call to anyone in another country that the time zone is checked. The time zone is actually displayed after my screenname on Skype.

‘White Lies’ – just amazing

Recently I discovered ‘White Lies’ – the group. Well when I heard ‘To lose my life’ a few days ago, I thought to myself “Hey, Bowie is back!”. So it wasn’t David Bowie, but so what? These guys are just brilliant.

I mean I can’t get their songs outta my head! Like I’m having a pretty prolonged enjoyable hallucination.

So I thought I’d spread the joy.

	The lyrics on both these music-vids are thought provoking
		Lyrics
		Lyrics – see discussion here

What’s a psychiatrist?

Recently I was in the company of a colleague who is a psychiatrist (aka shrink).

We were walking into a large supermarket. He’s saying hello to the chap who’s greeting customers. The conversation goes as follows:

Chappy: So what if you don’t mind I ask do you do?

Shrink: I’m a forensic psychiatrist – which is different from a psychologist. Basically I lock up the criminally insane and provide treatment for them.

Chappy: You know…[hesitating a bit]..you know what I thought you were?

Shrink: No, tell me.

Chappy: I thought you were a doctor. You just have that look about you.

Shrink: Well a psychiatrist is a medical doctor.

Chappy: Oh so you mean you’ve studied for your doctorate and all that.

Shrink: I’m a doctor like any other medical doctor.

Chappy: Orh..r..i….g…...h…..t [the sort of spread out ‘right’ that you get from the English when they don’t know WTF is going on].

Well actually: the non-verbal context of this was that although my shrink colleague took the effort to differentiate himself from being a psychologist, he could not have expected to be differentiated from being a doctor. It still didn’t sink when he told the chappy that he was a medical doctor.

This is the way England is. People appear to have lots of intelligence but what they really have is a lot of ‘lip’. Ooooh…now I’m extrapolating too much from one incident. No – it was an extrapolation from lots of incidents; this is just one of them. Come on – I think I can expect any person of average intellect to know that a psychiatrist is a medical doctor.

If you don’t get the point – leave it alone and move on.

Judge jailed for telling a lie.

This is an amazing story! STOP EVERYTHING: Don't go to the toilet..don't walk that dog...don't go to the grocery...don't phone that friend!

This is a tragic tale of how a judge of international repute ends up in jail - for attempting to tell a little fib.

"Marcus Einfeld, the judge in question, was certainly of high enough degree - none higher. Queens Counsel since 1977, Australian Living Treasure 1997, United Nations Peace Award 2002, the list goes on. He retired a few years ago but has continually been brought back to judge important cases about refugees because the Australian legal system can't do without his experience and prestige."

Now he's doing time (2 years) in the slammer!

Click this now: The little white lie that grew

For those who wish to listen the podcast is here.

But he is defiant - stating that he wasn't dishonest that he just made a mistake.

See: Australian Telegraph 2009-03-23 And see: The Sydney Morning Herald 2009-03-28 where he asks for cell door to be left open, a psychologist and a masseuse!

What happens when it's better than free

Well tonight I had an interesting experience. I go into the local supermarket around 20:45. There's a worker in uniform at the entrance offering me free bread. It comes with a coupon that I use at the cashier to get it for FREE.

So I say thank you very much and with some glee take the bread and coupon. I get to the cashier (or check-out, or whatever you call it - goddamit). So like I check my bill after paying, as I always do. I discover that I actually got the bread at better than FREE!!

How's that you're thinking? Right - well the computer scanned it in at 10p - and I get 25p credit with the coupon. So - that means they paid me 15p for taking the bread!!

A few seconds later I'm walking out of the supermarket and I spot the same worker flogging two other pieces of bread to two youths, who are looking indecisive. So I show them my bill and say "They paid me 15p to take the bread...it's a good deal you can't lose". To which they respond by looking at me as if I'm a nutter. Well, I couldn't care a monkey's as they in England - I like being paid to take away good stuff.

Yup - It's a good loaf of granary bread! No tricks. No catches. Tastes good.

Now you want to know what supermarket is this. Well - no other than a Wal-mart store. Yup - that'll be ASDA - my favourite supermarket.

Really - I love the place. All the workers there are sooooh polite - I mean like sometimes I'm pinching myself and thinking 'Is this England...is this England?'. I go to ASDA regularly for meals, shopping, or just for a jaunt - and really I couldn't care less about who thinks that I haven't got better things to do with my time. I like good service and I've always got it from ASDA. I leave their shop, nearly always thinking to myself 'I've got a good deal'.

Well today I got a small but much better deal than I expected!

Macaroni and cheese

No - this ain't a recipe for it. This is about the service surrounding it. It’s a long one. I’ve taken several weeks drafting this (working on average a few minutes each week). It is such a difficult story that I could not put it down all at once. I really had to do it a bit at a time.

The story

I go to a local supermarket fairly regularly with my daughter for a meal. Their cafeteria is not the best but we both like the macaroni and cheese they serve there. BTW I'm qualified in business and my teenage daughter is studying business. Hold on. The story will come. Just relax.

So on this occasion (Saturday 2008-11-15), we go to the counter and work out rather quickly that she'll have the macaroni and cheese and I'll have the fish and chips. Normally M&C would go with other things like vegetables and chips, as full meal. But we don't want full M&C so I ask a tall female attendant behind the counter "How much is the M&C?". Why would I ask this? Because there is no sign above the food counter where the prices are normally displayed. The female person responds in English in what sounds like a German accent, "You'll have to look at the board for that" - pointing me to a large board of prices to my left at about an 8 o'clock position, roughly 5 metres away, at about 40 degrees elevation.

So I read the board diligently. I cannot see M&C priced on it. I look back at the female attendant and say "I'm sorry I don't see the price on it, can you help". She's looking away at the board and rocking with arms folding. Rocking? Yeah - like when you partially flex your knee and push on it intermittently. You know – its like she’s tapping to Katy Perry’s

Hot n’ Cold or some crap.

She repeats that the price is “there” – with this strange downward flick of the wrist while keeping index finger extended. I look again over ‘there’. By now probably 60 seconds has elapsed, which you could imagine felt like an eternity. So I look back to her and say, "I'm sorry it isn't there...in any case I only want to know what it would cost if you could serve us the M&C on it's own." She then tells me that the M&C comes with chips and peas etc. So I repeat myself, "I want to know the price of the M&C on its own". She looks at me blankly and repeats something about peas and chips. By now probably 2 min have gone.

So I politely and firmly say to her, "You're clearly not understanding my English, I'd be grateful if you could find someone else to assist." She looks displeased and goes off to find the cashier who is about 5 metres to her left. The female cashier (i.e. AttNo2) arrives within seconds.

Me: "I hope you speak English because I was unable to communicate well enough with the person to your left, who was not understanding my English".

AttNo2 says "Yes I do, how can I help?"

Me, "I'm trying to find out the price of the M&C on its own"

AttNo2: "Normally it is served as a meal and that costs £4.49, but I can do it for you for £2.00 on its own."

Me: "Thanks, that is a what I was trying to find out"

AttNo1: Now appears visibly disturbed...utters something and storms off.

Me: [To AttNo2] “That was rude of her, I'd like to speak to a manager of this facility.”

I give him the above story, and explain to him that AttNo1 was rude and lacked basic linguistic competence in English, to inform me of the price of M&C on its own.

Manager: “To be fair she only recently started and probably felt upset by the way you pointed out her lack of English.”

Me: “It matters not. She was clearly in difficulty and did not seek help. I had to tell her to seek help and when she returned her response was rude.” [And BTW how does he know anything about the ‘way’ I might have pointed our her lack of linguistic competence. Was he there? No. Was he within earshot? No. Could it be an assumption of some kind, based on the fact that I was confronting his bullshit…oooh and confrontation is not allowed in England?]

Manager: “Well all I can say is that she was new...”

Me: “Are you trying to defend your staff”

Manager: “Yes! I have to defend my staff!”

Me: “I'm not happy with you and I'll speak to your superior...you're defending staff in poor customer service.”

He goes off. You might think that that was the end of it. No.

I remain there determined to get my M&C at the £2.00. So a third attendant - a male - AttNo3.

So I go through the same thing again with him as with German sounding female. This male sounds Italian and he's go the same problem understanding "..on its own". So, I gesticulate and use simple words to communicate that I want M&C on its own. [Well as I’m writing this I’m now in a state of doubt – which is silly really – as to whether ‘on it’s own’ is too complicated English]

AttNo3: “I'll ask my boss” (i.e. the same Manager who's defending his staff).

Me: “Thank you.”

AttNo3: “I can't serve it to you like that.”

Me: “Why?”

AttNo3: “Because my boss says I can't.”

Me: “I'm confused. The cashier (me pointing in her direction i.e. AttNo2) just said we could have it for £2.00.

AttNo3: “Well I can't serve it to you because the boss said so.”

So what happened next? You’d think I might give up. Not me. I then complain outside and ask speak to a floor manager, to be third by AttNo4 that, “They’re all in a meeting” – and of course not sure when they’ll be out. Amazing isn’t it – this is England for you – meetings don’t generally have a start and end time. And…and..this is a Saturday so the meeting could go on forever – eh?

AttnNo4 explained to me that the canteen is not really run by them, but by a contractor. Like now I’m jumping for joy – that really helps me – huh? This is how she explains it “I’m not trying to be funny or to say that what you experienced wasn’t bad…..” Ok, you guess the next word……. Yup that famous “but” – this is the way the English talk utter crap. Ooooh now I’m racist for referring to ‘the English’. Gimme a break. That’s my perception of them and that is them culturally.  I don’t want to hear about bloody ‘but’. Crap service is crap services. I’ve experienced it and that’s that. I don’t expend so much time and effort in your bloody shop for the fun of it. I happen to have better things to do. So why did I spend so much time on it? Two reasons: 1) My daughter is a business student – so it was for her to experience what poor customer service is about. 2) I happen to like the cafe I have an interest in getting rid of wanking staff.

You’d think I would give up. I give them half an hour while I do some shopping. After that the meeting is not over. Surprise surprise. So I give a description of my complaint to the AttNo4. She taps in the stuff on screen and promises me a copy, after taking my address and phone number etc. Do I get a phone call? Your guess.

What happened next? I get a dumb letter in the post apologising for what happened and a card bearing £5 credit.

So what have I learned. Well first of all this was not in a Wal-Mart store (such as ASDA here in the UK). Nope Wal-Mart has much more respect for customers. They really believe and understand that the only reason they are in business is for the customer. No – I’m not one of those ‘the-customer-is-always-right’ sort of people, nor is Wal-Mart. Well what I learned more about is the big rip-off Britain. Basically the British and particularly the English don’t like to complain – relative to American folk (from what I’ve picked up). So English business enterprises get away with ‘murder’ – and they like it so. I am so thankful that Wal-Mart is here in the UK. I’ve never been treated with such contempt as above.

Bending the rules

This is an exploration of how people interact with rules and regulations. It is largely based on personal observations. Therefore it is subject to all the biases and weaknesses that go with personal observations of the world.

What kinds of rules are there?

1. Law (Primary, secondary, delegated legislation, legal regulations).
2. Quasi-legal regulations (i.e. codes of conduct and practice that do not have statutory force but have the backing of statute).
3. Policy (i.e. written policy agreed and imposed by employers for example).
4. Other – a diffused set of rules that are written.

I do not go into moral rules, because these are hardly ever written or directly enforceable.

What motivates me to write about this?

I find in my worldly interactions that people often know what the rules are or they can find them – yet they choose to bend the rules to suit their own needs. This causes differences of opinion between me and others on a fairly regular basis.

What do I mean by bending of the rules?

I mean holding a personal interpretation of the rules that ends up (from my perspective) at much distance from what the rules were meant to achieve. Bending sometimes goes so far that it actually breaks the rules.

How (or why) do people effect the bending of the rules?

None of the categories below have sharp boundaries.

1. Appeal to the generality of conduct i.e. everybody else does it ‘so what’s the problem’.
2. Herd effects – everybody gets away with it, so I just do as others do. 
3. Tradition – i.e. ‘we now what the policy says but this is how we’ve always done it – and no one has ever raised a concern – and by implication ‘who are you to raise a concern now?’
4. Personal justification – i.e. ‘It’s rubbish the way the system is set up. The rules are stupid. I don’t agree with it. It is morally wrong and totally ridiculous so I’ll do as I think best’.
5. Minimisation – the rule or regulation is reduced in importance i.e. ‘Nothing much will come of it if you do it outside of the rules.
6. Disparagement of authority - ‘These people at the top are clueless paper pushers; what could they know of things as they really are.’
7. Lack of enforcement – if there is not enforcement of a rule, it is as good as no rule.
8. Pressure to act – from others or cumulative pressure from systems can cause others to bend the rules.
9. Failure of systems of justice – this is not necessarily about legal matters. Justice is a concept that permeates everyday life.
10. Not knowing the rules – but thinking that some one else who mentioned them knew the rules (when they didn’t).

….to be continued….I’m thinking more about this.

IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

The weather in England

It has been a bit of a mystery to me, up until a few days ago. I used to wonder why talking about the weather was such an easy icebreaker in England.

It suddenly dawned on me - and the answer was pretty simple. Here goes.

1. In England we all share the weather. It's the one great thing that all the English share the same joys and miseries. I mean this is so obvious that it isn't appealing. But it is true. The weather is there for all of us.
2. We suffer or enjoy the weather together. So that common union with the weather makes it easy to talk about.
3. It's a force that we have no control over. So it is like common friend or foe.

Into the race